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This Is My Nightmare On Fuck Street [entries|friends|calendar]
Mercury Rising

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A chinese man just came to our door to see if our heat was on...I actually understood what he was saying! Our heat is only on a little, I'm cold!

China = stressful!
2 tried|tie me to the radiator

unmoving [


[ mood | busy ]

Updating from espresso. I feel a void building in my chest. I'm dreaming of him but reality is tugging at my heart strings. I can only be a voice from 3000 miles away.

So I came to espresso to pick up my notebook - the bitch working here had thrown it away! The least she could do is give me a discount on my 2.12 iced tea that is much too sweet.

My arms itch. A lot. I feel awkward itching my arms in a coffee shop. Beautiful people keep walking in and I can't help but stare. They know they are attractive and it kills me. Tools.
Picking boogers off my septum. Dirty girl is dirty.

An apple and 3/4 of a yogurt have not satiated me. End coffee house. I can't study here anyway

tie me to the radiator

i need [


[ mood | accomplished ]

I need
A fresh dose of confidence and Josh by my side.

4 more days

tie me to the radiator



[ mood | discontent ]

This boy is not worth my time. He is livid over a joint. A JOINT.
I can't believe this.I'm on a 30 hour bus ride with my boyfriend and he is having a fucking panic attack over weed. I should be consoling him but this is so beyond my principles that I can't do anything. Well here is another story for my therapist about why I get angry about my boyfriend.
When we get off the bus I'm going to give him the silent treatment and then he is going to be "so sorry". Well Benji, I don't give a fuck. You made a fucking fool of both you and me. I am so fucking angry.

Wow. I wrote this shit hours ago. After we got off the bus @ a rest stop we got food and went to smoke ben's very important joint. I got very very high and demanded paper and pen and proceeded to write horrible things about ben. I couldn't speak because my throat was closed and my head was racing. I wrote absolutely disgusting things that were mean but truthful. What am I doing?! Destroying my vacation before it has even started. Ben was ovbiously mad, irritated, sad but he wouldn't say anything. He told me I should stop writing. I was so manipulative! A personality I have never seen. He makes me angry sometimes but I was inapropriate.

Augh. I am such a destroyer of good things.

But now that I've felt that I wonder if ben's experiance is the same. Cause while I was stoned he sounded like the biggest tool ever. Ever. But at the same time the kid sitting next to ben earlier was a total jackass to ben. I wanted to yell at him but I couldn't.

I honestly hope that I was just stoned and that ben doesnt usually sound that fucking stupid.


tie me to the radiator




I'm leaving for Killarney Provencial Park on Thursday for a 2 week long canoeing trip.
Write me letters. I'll try and write some to you before hand...aka within the next couple of days...but it would make my LIFE if I got a letter on the 10 hour drive home.

Thats all I've got to say.

Time go to go make my bed.

Good night.
tie me to the radiator



[ mood | accomplished ]

I got high in anthro today.


I actually raised my hand and answered questions.
One of the questions I was so proud of!
The original question was about the evolution of giraffes, or a species in general.
One girl answered the question by saying that 'giraffes eat from the middle of a tree, not the sides'. The prof gave her a blank stare and said "uh...okay".
I raised my hand proceeded to explain how the reason giraffes have long necks is a result of genetic mutation and natural selection. I was proud.
I also had a conversation with the prof in front of everyone about primates ability to swing through trees is not even practical or possible because the way their shoulders are set up.


I came to the realization that maybe you could discuss the hell about today's culture and politics but maybe I can rattle off information about medicine and science until you're blue in the face.
(Maybe not that extreme)
It isn't that I don't care, but I would much rather know about the way my body functions as a machine rather than the way I am part of a society that is going to hell. At least today that is how I feel.

Adipose (fat) tissue is so strange. It looks so funny! At least mine (of what I can see) isn't bright yellow. Maybe thats just because I am looking at a very superficial level.


2 tried|tie me to the radiator

thoughts of the day [


[ mood | cynical ]

I want to be a starting player in my lacrosse games. None of this sideline benchwarmer shit. If I get a little bit more confident out there, I know it will happen.

Microdermals! Eek!

Food to me is not part of my plan for survival, it's an indulgence that rarely occurs.

Last week I felt like hell. How come this week my mood is level again? I can't feel the anger that I felt last week.

I am mad at myself for going to the doctor. I am mad at myself for going back to the counseling center and giving them my information. I am mad at myself because I have built myself a crutch of steel that won't break, bend or be thrown away. It's handicapping me.

I admitted to myself that I had a problem. That I needed help. But I am still cutting. There has to be a deep rooted subconscious reason, right Mr. Psychologist?

Fuck that.

Now I am actually getting angry.

Someone get me drunk and have a discussion with me. I'm too hesitant when I am sober but I'll gladly discuss the world with you if I've got some confidence juice running through my pulsing veins.

Microdermal Adventure:
Week of Jan 21-26
Week of Feb 4-9

I love body mods.

5 tried|tie me to the radiator



[ mood | angry ]

If they are going to call it that then so am I

It's so fun being an addict
Here I come C.A.

tie me to the radiator

outdoor leadership? [


[ mood | cheerful ]

If I want to do NOLS this summer there so much I have to do!
In the next 4 months I have to:

Raise $1,500+
Lose 10lbs
Be able to run 5-6 miles in 40-55min or less
or 1.5 miles in 11min or less
Exercise 5 times a week...
Be able to carry 50-60lbs comfortably for long periods of time.

I've got a lot of work to do.

tie me to the radiator



[ mood | hopeful ]

Katie is:

desperate for change.

Katie is:
excited for colorado.
self-destructive because she feeds an addiction.
sleepy - it's been a long day.
desperate for change. Who doesn't want to spice up their life a little bit?
impatient for a response from a boy.
worried for her own safety.
demanding too much too quickly.

Today I drove to Flint on the freeway all by myself! That sounds totally pathetic, but what can I say? I don't get to drive my car a lot! Also, driving on the freeway freaks me out a little. I get paranoid that everyone is getting mad at me while I tinker along in my car, driving under the speed limit. My car doesn't like the wind either! It blows around and threatens to fly off the freeway! Damn car.
I met Nick at the Flint Institute of Art which was an enjoyable experience. The Egypt exhibit was not worth $5 but at least we got the student discount! Score!
Having interest in a person is so frustrating. I know that Nick is not into me, or very apprehensive about it, so I feel like a total tool when I am around him. That sounds terrible. I mean I enjoy hanging out with him, I enjoy his company, but I am just a terribly impatient person. I need to calm down. Then when I don't get an immediate response I pretty much have a persistent anxiety attack. "Well, that sounds like fun."
Then I just start getting blunt.
Ho hum.
As my mommy says "there will be a nice boy for you someday."

Boo hiss. I want a nice boy RIGHT NOW!
I should throw a temper tantrum.
Yeah, that will get me my way!

I almost feel as though I should put this entry under a cut just because it is so wild.
Wild! Like my soul.


I braved treacherous streets and kids strung out on homemade speed

tie me to the radiator

oh snap! [


[ mood | chipper ]

Lacrosse tournament last weekend in Toledo. We won all 4 of our games! I've never been on a team that won all of their tournament games...actually thats a lie - I was on the volleyball team when we won that tourney against Groves. I was a bench warmer then too.
As of 5 minutes ago the team is 18th in the nation. Fuck yeah! Maybe we will be sweet and go to nationals this year. I wouldn't mind going to Texas or somewhere really warm to play.

Damn, I had a bunch of things to write about but I forgot. I just got super excited about lacrosse.

Ordered a shirt and a leather-man type tool off of REI.com last night. Cost me a pretty penny but I need them for camp this year. The shirt was cool because it said it was designed for wearing a pack with it and it was on sale! The leather-man like tool should be useful as well, it's nice to always have scissors and a knife around camp.

Fuck. I forgot about going to class. I'm not late, I just tend to zone out and forget what time it is.

peace out.

btw, what is this new "current location" thing for LJ? Does it show up on an entry?
"Yes, I am currently on Mars typing my entry"

tie me to the radiator

I fought for life the whole time you were holding me down [


[ mood | excited ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Alright kids, going friends only.
Comment to be added.

6 tried|tie me to the radiator

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